As a teacher I have always hated using big reward systems with my kids. The few times that I have, I feel very tied to them and I just can't escape. So when Bryan's therapist suggested that we use rewards to help correct his behavior, I was very against it. She listened to me and let me have my side, but every time she suggests it.
So I absolutely lost it with Bryan the other day. He gets distracted very easily while he is doing his morning routine. We have found him in the bathroom staring at himself in the mirror quite a few times. It sounds kind of funny, but its not when you are trying to get ready to go somewhere. I have been pretty lax with him this summer, but now I am trying to get him back in the school mode.
Jonathan and I have tried everything that we can possibly think of with him and nothing has worked. So the other day when he had been in the bathroom for 20 minutes and hadn't even brushed his teeth, I was very upset (He was supposed to be using a timer and done with the whole routine in 15 minutes). Like I said, I lost it. I had so much anger and frustration that I didn't know what to do.
So that's when I decided to try the reward system. I made a chart with boxes and bought him some car stickers. Every time he does his night or morning routines without needing to be reminded about a step, he gets to put a sticker on the wall. Let me say that his routines are hanging on the wall, he is not expected to have them memorized.
So far is has worked out very well. Now when he gets off task, I have a consequence. Instead of turning red and loosing it, I simply say, "Oh that's too bad I guess you won't get your sticker today." He filled up his first chart the other day and got to draw a coupon from the envelope. He was so excited because it said that we would have his favorite for dinner, pizza! I just popped the Red Barron's in the oven and he was happy as a lark. He got a reward that he could feel proud of and I didn't have to spend any money on.
On a funny note. Yesterday Jonathan was helping him get ready for church and Bryan told him that he couldn't find any brown socks to wear with his loafers. This was really stressing him out. Jonathan told him to go look in the laundry room. He was looking through the socks and looking very stressed. Jonathan said, "What's wrong?" He said, "I'm almost out of time, I've got to hurry." So I guess its working. It all goes to show you, I guess I should have listened to the therapist in the first place!
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1 year ago
5 comments:
Reward systems aren't bad in and of themselves and if it is working, good! Another thing to think about is natural consequence, which can be hard even on you to start with, but can really take the lesson home. If he takes too much time getting ready, he misses out on something he wants to do. If he forgets to brush his teeth, no sweets for the day. Stuff like that. Just a thought!
Hi Amanda!
We have tried a lot of natural consequences with him. We do make him miss dessert if he doesn't brush his teeth and that works well. We tried to think of a natural consequence for him getting ready. We told him he would miss breakfast and he would be hungry. That happened a couple of times and it didn't seem to phase him. But we are always looking for natural consequences, I agree they are the best!
Tough stuff. As a Mom of two, I got no comment for this one. Just a simple, "I hear you, Sister."
That was me, not my Mom. Blast using her computer!
I am so proud of you two for keeping up with the routine system, I loved it last year when I saw it. We've got to start something in that realm. I completely understand not wanting to use rewards, but I think you hit the idea on the button, good job MOM!
I've got a funny MOM accronym for ya - Milk O Matic! A friend of mine shared that with me when we were pregnant with Adie - I thought you might get a laugh out of that one! Later.
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